How to Give a Pill to a Cat

1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your arm as if holding a baby. Position your right forefinger and thumb each side of the cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure. As cat opens mouth pop in the pill. Gently massage the cat’s throat as it swallows the pill.
2. Retrieve pill from the floor and cat from behind the sofa. Repeat the process
3. Cradle cat in left arm, holding firmly to hind paws. Force jaws open and push the pill to the back of the throat. Force jaws closed and hold for a count of 10.
4. Apply plaster to cut on face. Call you partner to come and help. Retrieve the cat. Kneel on the floor with the cat wedged firmly between your knees. Hold front and rear paws. Your partner will force open the cat’s mouth, insert the pill and rub the cat’s throat vigorously.
5. Apply plaster to partner’s hand. Retrieve the cat from the curtains. Wrap the cat tightly in a large towel. Get your partner to lay on the cat so only its head is visible. Put the pill in the end of a drinking straw, force open the cat’s mouth, insert the drinking straw and blow forcefully.
6. Check the box to make sure the pill is safe for humans. Drink a beer to take away the taste. Leave all doors and windows open in the hope the cat runs away. Throw away the pills.